i really love my brain, i really love life

STILL MISERABLE, STILL DROWNING

oh tragedy !

{this still exist?}

Yesterday I thought, Oh I'm so sick of being miserable and the same ol'typical obstacles in life. I want to just die now (in the least bit emo way, well no I won't lie). Then I realized that I have to wait to die, then I decided "Oh I can intoxicate myself a shit load", but wait maybe that's suicidal like. I'm not going to run away from life like a little pussy but fuck I won't lie I wouldn't mind reincarnating now.

AND I CANT SWIM

DROWNING IN MY OWN THOUGHTS,

nothing

nothing.

nothing

sad person

It's an odd idea I suppose though I'm attracted to melancholic ideas, stories and people. Like willow trees, eating disorders, slow acoustic music, being alone, rain, my tears, frida kahlo and the thought of death. Perhaps the perversity of it all attracts me, it's comforting. I wouldn't quite say that depression makes me happy though, odd contradiction, it's more just a bed of roses. ~

I refuse to cry over any human being, though the idea of never seeing a place or a person again makes me want to sob oceans. I won't live forever, but I want to live in the moment...

my heart isn't two sizes too small anymore...

{apparently I am only good for lust and pleasure, not love and romance}


I want it, I want to fall in love so badly that it hurts. I want all of that corny romance, I've become into realization I would do nearly anything for the one I love. I want someone to do something spontaneously romantic for me, to hold my hand on the streets and to whisper cute things in my ear and kiss me everywhere except the mouth. What the hell, I want young love, I want to go into a deep trance with someone else, I want the world to look at us like we're complete naive kids fucking up our future. I felt like I've had a taste of what it's like, I want it back, I want it further.

I want someone to fall madly deeply head over fucking heels in love with me.
I want to fall in love with someone so badly that my entire body aches of pain.

I lied, I want it, so badly, not lust, fuck lust.

I do not like hook ups, I want true meaning between the sheets.

I'm not even done expressing what I feel, but I'll end here.

You say what you want but you don't really know what you want.

no one likes confrontation

can't

....maybe I should stop acting like someone died.

"deserve"

maybe I just lost my chance.
or I don't deserve it

Note:

I have in between emotions, ok?

What I feel does not make sense

ENVIOUS, what the hell, that's not me